Learning not to trust yourself.
Hiding what happened because you're ashamed.
Acting out in understandable ways.
Being vocally judged for your age-inappropriate sexual knowledge and behavior.
Not being able to un-know what you know.
Being told by a classmate that you need to treat yourself like you're worth something, when you have proof that you're not.
Having friends say that boys like them for something other than their body, unlike you.
Thinking they are right. Thinking it for years and years.
Feeling like having a boyfriend will keep you safe, but then being the girl that always has to have a boyfriend.
Feeling like following the rules will keep you safe, but then being anal and uptight.
Hearing comments from your friends' parents about you being trouble, slutty, "a problem." Not one adult ever asking why.
Being quizzed even into adulthood about rumors or confusions about resulting behaviors, like they deserve answers about your life.
Finally speaking up almost exactly 19 years later.
Having people say they believe you because they know you, but not the others -- which means people who don't know you personally inherently won't believe you.
That's pretty much all the people.
Maybe it's just me, but this is really hard.
This is why women don't report.
Even when we do, it often doesn't help.
He isn't dealing with this. I am.
He probably doesn't even remember.