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An Uncomfortable Realization

“To not judge is to be like a peach. We shrink our space by giving up controlling others. Instead, we focus on controlling ourselves. We set others free to be who they are.” ― John Kuypers,

The Non Judgmental Christian: Five Lessons That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships

I like to be who I am. I especially like to be surrounded by people who are not just okay with who I am, but who actively celebrate it. I'm willing to bet you're the same. As people who have spent years -- YEARS!! -- learning who we really are and deepening into it, we chafe at situations where we feel judged for our choices or our qualities of being. It's normal. I'm willing to even say that it's healthy. It doesn't mean that we are unwilling to change or grow; simply that we are only willing to change the parts of ourselves that we decide needed to be changed for our own good, and not for anyone else's.

Here's the deal, though. Despite my very strong stance against being judged, I sometimes find myself wanting to judge someone else. Yep. Ridiculous, right? It can sound like this..

"How hard is is to just..."


"Weren't you going to..."


"I can't STAND IT when she..."

I feel like I need to control a situation (which invariably doesn't need my control, or even input) or render an opinion or *GASP* give advice. All of which, of course, betrays my belief that God is not in charge. I'll say that again, in case you missed it. Needing to control or judge something that is not mine betrays my belief that God is not in charge. Yeah, I know. That's a biggie. But it's undeniable. When I feel the need to get involved in someone else's job or task or relationship or behavior, I am showing my own doubts (at a deep, fundamental level) that God can handle it and that all is well. In these moments, I need to clean up my consciousness and return to the truth.

Here's what I know for sure: God is in control, so I don't have to be. Each person is developing at their own rate and in their own way. I don't have to understand it for it to be okay. I can just trust the process. My judgment and control aren't helping. My love and acceptance do help. And definitely, God has got this, and all is truly well.

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